and unconscious.
First Corollary -
Unless his name happens to be Trowa Barton, in which case it's guarenteed.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases.
The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases.
(Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside-down
from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone
in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary -
The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary -
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' lineup in neat rows, allowing the
hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary -
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a
flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than
driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown,
but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors
can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
First Corollary -
(from Adam Barnes)
Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't....
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary -
The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators.
(Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
Second Corollary -
The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
(from A. Hicks, U. Williams, and Ben Leinweber)
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26 - Law of Feline Mutation
(from A. Hicks)
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c) wear as little clothing as possible, if any
#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
(from U. Williams)
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved
and used only as a last resort.
#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
(from U. Williams)
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence
(from U. Williams)
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the
form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed
to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism
(from U. Williams)
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability
(from Spellweaver)
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color canchange without warning
or explanation.
#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions,
physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the
same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
#34 - Law of Probable Attire
(from various sources)
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically
appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or
torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she
will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement
and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -
All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) -
(from Nyctomania)
Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of
doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...
especially if they have never attempted these things before.
#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination
(from Daniel Mikula)
Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five.
There are five basic positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation
#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
(from Jason Bustard)
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which
they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) -
(from Ferdinand Pelayo)
The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who
deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be
instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the
eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out.
The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is
located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single
but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful.
The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.
First Corollary -
Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...
#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination
(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is,
though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue
(see Law #38 above).
Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose,
suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41 - Law of Xylolaceration
(from Lyndon Harris)
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
(from Erin Alia)
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia
There is no Law #43.
#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation
(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at
which the full name of the attack is announced.
#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
(from R. A. Hubby)
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before,
any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition
(from Conrad Knauer)
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your
closest friends and relatives.
Created 19th January 1999 Last Modified 26th February 2000
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